A Spiritual Satire – The Power of Bob

Spirituality, Meditation and Energy Healing

A Spiritual Satire – The Power of Bob

Simon Bradley, Flickr CC
Simon Bradley, Flickr CC

In my last spiritual satire article, I introduced the honey bunch named Moonbeam in The Enlightenment of Moonbeam.  I met her at a mediation cult…ahhh…I mean…group.  It’s also where I first laid eyes on their leader.

The mediation group revolved around a guy named Bob. Because he had the ability to perform genuine miracles, it didn’t take long for him to develop a following.  However, there wasn’t a lot of hype and there was almost no promotion for his meetings.  They were kind of underground.  I found out through word of mouth.  That’s why I was so astonished to see the swarming bee hive, congregated in somebody’s enormous backyard.  “Holy Mackerel”, I thought, “Will we be having loaves of bread and fish for lunch?”

Bob had no interest in developing a band of apostles.  However, he did hold open meditations twice a month for free.  From my initial assessment at this first meeting, it appeared the attendees gravitated into three basic groups.

First, there was Bob’s inner circle.  Those were his closet friends and companions that carried the vibe of highly evolved souls, including Canoodle-ji, his first lieutenant.  I could feel their vibe radiating from all the way in the back row where I stood.

The second lot, appeared to be the B-Squad.  Most were sales reps from multi-level marketing companies and cast-offs from other bogus spiritual movements.  Possibly, Bob kept them around to constantly remind himself that unconditional love is for everybody.  That’s where I met Moonbeam.

I couldn’t really wrap my head around this ragtag gang of misfits so I asked a senior member from the inner circle.  He said, “Bob delights in a thoroughly rigorous and ardent spiritual challenge.”  Made sense.

The third group was a collection of Lookie-Lou’s—one timers hoping to see a miracle at the circus sideshow.

Judging from the buzz coming out of the crowd, this mediation was anticipated to be a major event.  From what I could overhear, Bob supposedly entered a deep trance several days previous and hadn’t come out.  Bob’s inner circle was very careful and articulate in their behavior, which cast a mix of moderate anxiety and uneasy excitement over the entire gathering.

About 10 minutes into the meditation, clouds started to billow.  It was no big deal, just the normal cotton ball clouds that form on many summer afternoons.  However, very quickly, they continued to swell, getting bigger and bigger.  Those in the crowd who weren’t exactly meditators by nature, had their eyes glued overhead.  A wave of panic rolled over the crowd when the lightning started.  However, Bob and his inner circle didn’t blink an eye.  They were entranced in deep meditation—zoned to the bone.  When the second bolt of lightning hit, someone from the B-Squad started screaming and yelled, “Run for cover!”

The entire crowd, minus Bob and his inner circle, scattered like cockroaches for the barn.  That’s when it started to pour.  It was an absolute deluge, sent straight from Noah himself.  About the time most people had scampered into the barn, the ‘bolt from hell’ exploded straight out of the sky.  It nailed an inner circle member by the name of Komakoz-ji, right where he sat.  After the smoke cleared there was nothing left but a smoking pair of tennies.  I mean nothing, well, except for the three-foot circle of scorched grass.


Watching from the barn, the crowd was collectively horrified.  But not Bob, no way.  He snapped out of his trance and got all Glory-be-to-Buddha about it.  He called it a pre-ordained spontaneous ascension.  Komakoz-ji was now an ascended master!  It was a Jesus, Mary and Joseph – Snap, Crackle, Pop miracle.  You can still watch an edited version on YouTube.

In addition, the scorched sneakers were put on venerable exhibition at one of the disciple’s tire dealerships.  There, they were proudly displayed in a glass case near the entrance, right next to the popcorn machine.  Honored as modern-day spiritual relicts, it fascinated customers coming in for free tire rotation about the Powers that Be.

At the next mediation, two weeks later, I noticed a sharp decline in the attendance of B-Squad members.  That was curious, so I asked one of them why.

He said, “Well, we do our best to be good believers, but for some…I dunno.  After the TV news crew left, there was talk at the post-meditation bar-b-que.  Some folks thought Komakoz-ji’s charbroilin’ was mighty dedicated but maybe a touch overdone in the zealous department.  Gave ’em second thoughts about enlightenment, if you get my drift.  Even with the free  fireworks show, it made spontaneous ascension a tough sell.  Scared the livin’ Bejeezus out of those teeterin’ on the fence.   I guess they figured this spiritual awakening stuff might be a tad overrated.”


To be continued…

Dedicated to those of us who can take our spirituaity a little too seriously at times

*For more info. into the worlds of Meditation, Healing and Spirituality please visit my website at:


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Joseph Drumheller
Joseph Drumheller


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